My head has been spinning since returning to Alabama. Luckily I’m heading out of here tomorrow morning to Florida. My grief is in full swing. I’m not sleeping, not eating, exercising excessively and crying uncontrollably. When I walk outside my door I put on a good face. Everyone is complimentary. It seems almost excessive recently, but maybe I’m noticing more. I wake up in a haze and I don’t want to do anything. Days are feeling longer cause of the lack of sleep, and my brain is shriveling.
I do have a good support in place here. There are people I can talk to about what’s going on, but nothing will change the fact that the damage has been done. I feel vulnerable, I cannot believe someone who I loved treated me this way and I cannot wrap my head around the rationality of it all. I say it’s a real mind fuck. I’m burning. A fucking magnificent glow for all to see the spider webs of gloom rain down until I fizzle out and the wind scatters me around.
And then my mind can rest.
Time to paint my pretty face and hide the bags under my eyes so I can pretend I’m not tearing apart inside.