Sunday of J

So I have to figure out a new routine. Basically find ways to occupy myself without, well you know. So today I grabbed the one man who has been through it all with me and we went to a Confederate Memorial Park in Marbury, AL. It was fun and educational.

Ive noticed Bodie loves hiking. He really enjoys all the smells and the bramble he gets to trot through. He hops from one tree root to a rock, and bounds over a puddle and then pees on a bush. Watching his excitement also perks me up. Back in New Jersey we would go on wicked long walks through Drew’s campus and around and he loved it. He likes the freedom and it brings a smile to my face.

I enjoyed my nature walk with Bodie. The alone time was good, but when we got home I broke down. I’m furious about everything. I feel out of control, I wish it can all go away, I don’t wish to deal with it. But those moments of freedom on the walk were tremendous. I guess just moving is how I deal with heart break.

In the past two years Ive learned a lot about myself on how to deal with stress from relationships. I’ve lost friends during the grieving process, built solid new friendships, and also saw what I thought were long lasting friendships crumble too. I’m glad I know how to make myself feel better and not rely on anyone. But I also wish I wasn’t here in the first place.

I want to go back home to Connecticut. But for now I’ll continue to travel in nearby Alabama.

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About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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