I allowed my emotions to get the best of me. I let myself get lost over the last several months. The excitement of a relationship, and clicking so immediately with someone. Dating is hard. And it’s even harder when you know you’re so much different than other women your age.
I have a lot of baggage and hurt behind my eyes. Regardless of the duration I was married for, my entire life was derailed. I had my life together. But then my dreams, aspirations, fantasies, they all vanished in a second. My future disappeared. My stable grounding crumbled. And in the long run, my social circle also dwindled. That’s what widowhood involves. Being suspended in time. Watching everything you’ve built be stripped away. Out of your hands, no control, just torn away. And that’s just the immediate. The ongoing hurt of being distant and people being distant towards you can never be adequately prepared for.
But here I am. I’m a survivor. I let my guard down, I allowed someone to stomp all over me. It won’t happen again. I’m proud of how far I’ve come and some people dig it and others don’t. Ill continue to learn and be better for the next. I’ll be happier soon.