Im going to tread lightly on this post. Being agitated to certain points is one of those ongoing things that happens in life. But I start to have a big problem when other people’s issues suddenly become mine. I’ve found a healthy way to deal with my stress and grief that doesn’t really involve others. However my parents would argue that it does, but that’s also cause I call them to complain. Heh. That’s what they’re there for right?
My grief has been stirring lately. I’m missing George more and more and it came on so suddenly. Because of this I’ve been doing my best to put myself out there and meet others. I need a support system of friends down here in Alabama. My close friend from high school recently had her wedding and I decided to not attend due to finances and grief. Yup grief. It made me sick to my stomach thinking about going to a wedding. I’ve only been to one since George has passed and it wasn’t a smart decision to attend. But grief aside, the cost of the flight was exceedingly out of my price range too. Especially during season when I use my personal funds to help tie up loose ends with my team or to buy team activities. I don’t have a ton of wiggle room.
But this is my life. Losing George will continue to impact me. I’ve come to terms with that. What’s been aggravating is when others pour their woes onto me. I am happy to be a friend, I’ll give advice, I’ll listen to problems, but I do not like the additional stress of other people’s problems falling on me. I won’t get into specifics, but I must use my widow card here. I’ve lost my husband, my entire future collapsed when he died. When he died, my life also stopped and I had to figure out a new one. I’ve made it through. I’ve excelled and continue to thrive. I feel like I’m relatively more optimistic than I was when he was alive. I can be a person to lean on when my friends are in turmoil, but it is not okay to burden me with these issues. It’s not okay to impact my livelihood with problems that do not concern me.
Now I have a thirst to run, to exhaust my body with problems that shouldn’t be mine. But because I care, it’s impacting me emotionally and mentally. On top I am dealing with running and building a lacrosse program in a nontraditional region.