Run Julia run

The tingle in my muscles and the jitters in my joints are returning. The need to flee is coming back. The brutality of self-loathing is bubbling. I don’t recognize myself and I’m starting to feel distant. I hate who’s been glaring back at me.

My bones ache to hit the pavement and mute the world. To run myself until I weep, and scorch my body from the inside until it turns into something new.

It’s comforting to be back here, but it comes with a price too. I was lost without George, but then miraculously I began building a new life one brick at a time. But I lost count of the bricks and it feels like everything is sinking. I want to run, I want to have my body receive the flogging so my mind can be free.

Just like old times; Time to grit my teeth, put my head down, and walk back into the labyrinth. I’m ready.


About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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