He dies in 10 days

In 10 days the memories of November 25, 2013 will creep back. They’re submerged but slowly those thoughts are ascending. Tiny bubbles of memories are percolating and I just feel a little helpless. How can you combat your brain? These memories just don’t vanish. They’re there to haunt me for a lifetime. I remember today he went into the hospital two years ago, only to return back to me on November 19th in out patient hospice care. Two years ago I was laying beside him in Memorial Sloan Kettering on a hospital bed. I fell asleep on his left shoulder because he was hooked up to IVs on the right side. When I left him to go home, I remember texting my best friend to meet me in midtown to grab food and drinks. I stood at the corner of 34th and 5th Ave crying because I didn’t know what was happening. I got home 2 years ago today to a dark apartment in Jersey City, and had to let Bodie out. I just remember believing George was going to be okay. I thought he was going to get out of the hospital the next day. I never believed he was going to die in 10 days.

And that is liver cancer.

About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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2 Responses to He dies in 10 days

  1. 53old says:

    In 9 days my fiancee died 32 years ago. My memories of her are swirling around in my brain….happy ones mixed in with the wistful ones mixed in with the not so good ones.


  2. I think it takes a long time for the shock to wear off. I still wake up unable to believe that this is my life and my husband isn’t here anymore. Sending hugs.

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