Second season

Today was my first practice of the 2015 Lacrosse season.  This marks the second year I will be coaching without George. Last year at this time it was just 2 months after he passed away when I had our first practice and I remember how badly I needed the structure of season and to be around my team. The energy and support of this years team is far different. I had one player not show up at all to practice because before even trying it out she decided she was too overwhelmed.

I scoff at that. overwhelmed? Oh dear, how I miss the days of having problems of 18-21 year old college students. But I can’t do that. I can’t be smug about it. Don’t get me wrong, I love this team and how they work together and support each other, but having one person already surrender before it had even begun certainly deflates the excitement.

Tonight I saw George outside the bar. I saw this man run by and out of the corner of my eye he looked exactly like George. When I looked again I noticed his hair and color and height were similar but facial structure was not. But it was a nice thought. And I started thinking about him and coming home after my first season at Drew and how overwhelmed I was to have to teach so much in a short period of time. And today I wish I had him to talk to again. To tell him how good the girls played and how someone can claim they can’t balance without having tried it. He would tell me lacrosse is just a sliver of their lives and I would argue being a college athlete provides so much more than just sport. And he would eventually cave and say I’m right. I miss those nights. I miss him. But he would be so proud of me. He would be so happy that Im doing what I love to do, even when it drives me crazy. image

About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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