Yesterday was not a great emotional day for me. There’s a lot on my mind and I still am sorting through a lot of what wears on me, but I feel like I’m always updating this with sad news so I wanted to make sure I post on a good day.
Grief is weird, there’s good days and bad and in the beginning the bad days overwhelm the good. So much so that the feeling of happiness becomes so foreign, because the moments when happiness is present are so few and far between. As the months wore on the good days and bad days started to seesaw more and more. Kind of like a rickety boat on a choppy river. I feel being over a year widowed I have found a path of normalcy for the most part. Yesterday was a bad day, but behind every bad day is a good one. I just had to keep staring forward because I knew it was there. I just had to get through the rapids first.
There’s something that needs to be noted though. Unless you help yourself, grief will lock down and wiggling out of the grip is difficult. Today my day kickstarted with a spin class which perked my mood. After I taught my class one of my riders gave me a nice compliment and I knew today was going to be better. It had to be. When I got into work I had a lot of meetings but I just hunkered down and got through it. Finally after work I worked out with a colleague and my mind was free and I felt amazing. Something about having my body expel additional energy seems to block the grief.
The most important lesson in 2014 I learned is you need to rely on yourself to get out of ruts. No one else can do it for you. To outsiders, they will criticize and not see the meaning or purpose in how you deal but as long as it makes sense to you, that’s all that matters. Embrace the unusual, focus on getting through the bad because when it’s good, it’ll be great.