Back in the saddle

Today has had a strange sadness tangled within it. I can’t really explain why I’ve been in a down mood. The excitement of holidays has worn off and I think reality is setting in. I really miss George today. I have such minor problems that are eating at me and I wish I had him to talk to. But a lot of what is bothering me wouldnt even be an issue if he were still alive.

I’m thriving, I’m continuing to grow but sometimes I get pulled down into the rabbit hole. Those moments when I look around humming and hawing about how I got here.

This undercurrent of sadness is shaking me. Perhaps it’s the weather or it could be that step where I am ready to move along, but it’s painful to do it without him. I do think some of the uncertainty stems from I’m beginning to move into a relationship. It will be my first and it’s foreign to me to have feelings for someone who isn’t him. But life goes on. Some days are better than others and I have to keep staring forward because the next wonderful day is just around the corner.

I want to run outside again. I think that will make me feel better.Β image


About J.

Fitness professional, aspiring writer, college lacrosse coach, widowed at 28, currently dating an Air Force officer who is deployed and documenting the at-home dealings and updates.
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