Back in the saddle

Today has had a strange sadness tangled within it. I can’t really explain why I’ve been in a down mood. The excitement of holidays has worn off and I think reality is setting in. I really miss George today. I have such minor problems that are eating at me and I wish I had him to talk to. But a lot of what is bothering me wouldnt even be an issue if he were still alive.

I’m thriving, I’m continuing to grow but sometimes I get pulled down into the rabbit hole. Those moments when I look around humming and hawing about how I got here.

This undercurrent of sadness is shaking me. Perhaps it’s the weather or it could be that step where I am ready to move along, but it’s painful to do it without him. I do think some of the uncertainty stems from I’m beginning to move into a relationship. It will be my first and it’s foreign to me to have feelings for someone who isn’t him. But life goes on. Some days are better than others and I have to keep staring forward because the next wonderful day is just around the corner.

I want to run outside again. I think that will make me feel better.Β image

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About J.

Fitness professional, aspiring writer, college lacrosse coach, widowed at 28, currently dating an Air Force officer who is deployed and documenting the at-home dealings and updates.
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