I feel like my life contains very little excitement so I have to put my input on what’s going on in the widow boards I visit day-to-day. Holidays are synonymous with family and having lost a spouse you can’t help but reflect on what is missing. With that, many widows progress through the holidays in a variety of ways. I decided escape to my parents house and spend the holidays surrounded by my family, and continue my exercise track. Helps with my mood. I’ve read a number of different posts on the widow board where others are really struggling and are quick to point out they simply cannot comprehend how other “move on” from the loss. I’m not particularly active on the boards but like to read them and then come on here and bitch about it.
I never like to use the phrase “move on,” because I don’t think I will “move on.” But I will move forward and continue to grow and develop as a person. My loss strengthens me, it doesn’t cripple me. Anyway, the big topic on the board is dating. If you love your spouse how can you even entertain the idea of dating? There’s a range of wids who have decided they’ll never seek the companionship of another ever again, and then there’s others who are weeks out and have begun dating again. I started dating again at about 6 months out. However upon reflection, I do not think I was ready to date again when I started dating. I was in a weird state of purgatory in my grief where I was just finding my stride.
Several wids on the board are quick to condemn those who are beginning to date, and in my opinion, I cannot fathom why someone would want to perpetuate their bitterness on to someone else. There’s a few who’ve stated they’ve tried dating and it’s not for them, and that’s fine, but I do find it a bit precarious when those who have never even tried are so quick to guilt the others that do. I am dating. It doesn’t lessen my relationship I had with George. I actually I have quite the opposite happen. I’m VERY picky now, and I think in a large part because I know what I want with a person and what will work for me in a relationship. I have been dating a couple guys this Fall and have iris-in on one right now. I don’t call him my boyfriend because I do not feel comfortable doing so, but he is pretty understanding with that. Nor does he really seem to care. I have gone out on dates though (without updating the dating section, sorry) where the guys were so befuddled with my widowhood that it was the only thing we talked about on the date. Or they’ll question whether or not if I’m really ready to date. Usually when the conversation heads in that direction there isn’t a second.
There is no other George and no one will replace George. And I feel that those who are judgmental about dating tend to believe that’s what others are doing: Looking for a replacement. Do I think George reigns supreme to any man, yeah of course. He’s my first love and I still love him. But he’s not coming back. And I need to press forward and do what feels right to me. And again, it’s been my latest theme of this blog, I love the woman who I’m becoming, and I like sharing my time with someone. I don’t think it’s something to be ridiculed for. It took me a long time to get here.