Broken sleep

Today is the death anniversary. I woke up a couple times in the middle of the night. Once I was really confused where I was. Probably because I’m at my parents house right now, and the second time was right around the time of his final breath. I remember his left eye remained open and today that image is reoccurring in my mind.

He was in our apartment hours after he died cause I was waiting for hospice to transfer him to the funeral home. But as I waited with my sister next to me I slid my hands under his body, in between his arms just so I can feel his warmth. I wanted to have it for as long as I could before it went away forever.

Today I feel numb. My friend who’s a widower said it best, today is a combination of fear, sadness and acceptance that yes it’s the first year we have to get through, but a lifetime. A gash so agonizing but out of plain view.

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About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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One Response to Broken sleep

  1. Amparo says:

    I’m so sorry that you must endure this anniversary date. Having had the love between you in life, you know that love never dies and his spirit lives on within you.

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