Broken sleep

Today is the death anniversary. I woke up a couple times in the middle of the night. Once I was really confused where I was. Probably because I’m at my parents house right now, and the second time was right around the time of his final breath. I remember his left eye remained open and today that image is reoccurring in my mind.

He was in our apartment hours after he died cause I was waiting for hospice to transfer him to the funeral home. But as I waited with my sister next to me I slid my hands under his body, in between his arms just so I can feel his warmth. I wanted to have it for as long as I could before it went away forever.

Today I feel numb. My friend who’s a widower said it best, today is a combination of fear, sadness and acceptance that yes it’s the first year we have to get through, but a lifetime. A gash so agonizing but out of plain view.


About J.

Fitness professional, aspiring writer, college lacrosse coach, widowed at 28, currently dating an Air Force officer who is deployed and documenting the at-home dealings and updates.
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One Response to Broken sleep

  1. Amparo says:

    I’m so sorry that you must endure this anniversary date. Having had the love between you in life, you know that love never dies and his spirit lives on within you.

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