Back to California

Early on when I first started this blog I traveled to California with my family for Christmas. It was possibly the worst trip of my life. It was less than a month after George passed and I was miserable. Everytime I returned to the hotel and would visit the pent house room of the hotel, all I wondered was how to open the windows. I was in a really bad place to say the least. But I have returned to California as an entirely different person.

I needed this trip. I’m out here for work but I did choose this recruiting trip purposely to see my brother, sister in law and niece because with George’s death anniversary closing in, I needed a change. I needed to feel that unconditional love that I get when I see my niece. She just turned a year old a few weeks ago. It’s a strange a strange thought; as she ages it will always mark how many years George has been dead. But when I couldn’t bare to look at her or have her in my life, when I see her now it fills me with such limitless joy. It’s great to be here in sunny California.


About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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