My Birthday

Tomorrow is my birthday. Last year I traveled to Maryland on my birthday for a recruiting tournament. When I got back I was in a cranky mood and was just so stand offish to George. I wanted to go out to dinner on my birthday and I didn’t want to go out to the place he wanted to go and I remember getting so fed up with him. Finally we ordered out and ate dinner at home and watched TV together.

If I could go back in time, I would have never gone to that tournament. Because of that tournament it has changed my entire perspective on the recruiting process and how I do my job in general. I remember my last birthday with George as a negative memory, and it’s damning to me. To make a long story short, I will spend time with the people I love and cherish my time so I do not have regret later on.

Anyway, every time it was my birthday I would ask him if he still loved me as much at the older age than the younger. So I would ask him tomorrow if he preferred me at 28 or at 29. He always said the older age.

As I keep getting older he will be frozen in time at 46. I hate the feeling that as I keep aging, it closes the gap. I will be 17 years separated from him now.

There’s a feeling of loneliness swelling inside of me tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a very difficult day. I’m just really sad about growing old without George.



About J.

Fitness professional, aspiring writer, college lacrosse coach, widowed at 28, currently dating an Air Force officer who is deployed and documenting the at-home dealings and updates.
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