Little hiatus

I haven’t updated this in quite awhile. My contract at Drew started again in mid August and although I did work throughout the summer, I feel like there’s more and more work piling on top of me everyday. When I come home I just don’t want anything to do with a computer so hence my lack of updates and writing.Β image

In less than a month is what would be my one year anniversary of being married. A lot of mixed emotions have been surfacing. I’m irritable, angry, tired, apathetic, and just really sad. What was working to distract my mind all summer cannot hide what is coming. And its all coming at the start of the semester.

I’ve read and talked with other wids and they say the second year is the hardest because reality sets in. I didn’t really get it for awhile but now I do. I feel myself missing George more and more lately. Almost sadder than I was in the first initial months. When people asked about him, I can reminse without crying. But now I can’t. I feel the warm tears fill the bottom of my eyes whenever someone asks. I miss him. A lot. And I’ve been moving forward with this “new life,” but I want more than anything else is so have everything back. To rewind the years and have him holding my hand while we walk Bodie together.

 

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About J.

Fitness professional, aspiring writer, college lacrosse coach, widowed at 28, currently dating an Air Force officer who is deployed and documenting the at-home dealings and updates.
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5 Responses to Little hiatus

  1. Liz says:

    Today is my third month of being a widow after 34 years of marriage. I was so glad to read your comment about ‘widow’s brain’ because I can’t remember why I walked into a particular room most of the time. Today I played cell phone messages to hear his voice.

    • J. says:

      I’m so sorry for your loss. This is the worst adjustment, especially with having to redefine yourself after being a ‘we.’ Widow brain is real and its the worst. I haven’t had too much of it as of recent so it does go away. When holding your life together things are bound to be forgotten or misplaced. It’s just the way it goes. I listened to his voicemails a lot too. So comforting. But now its hard for me to hear his voice without breaking down. One day at a time. Stronger today than yesterday. Even when it feels like its the worst day ever. Always becoming stronger.

  2. samdyljor says:

    Our lives parallel each other, I was only thinking the other day that I had not seen a post from you. I too am about to celebrate my first wedding anniversary without my husband, on 20 Sept it will be or would have been, I still struggle with this, 17 years of wedded bliss. Not sure how I feel about it. Big MWAH xxx

  3. notabowlofcherries says:

    Hugs to you and hang in there πŸ™‚

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