George wants me to smile

For the last 3 and a half days I’ve been incredibly sick. Fevers hovering between 100.8-102.3, some serious stuff that have my organs working overtime. Which reminds me one of George’s favorite bands was XTC. Organs working overtime…senses working overtime. Do you see the correlation? Okay, so I’ve been having some really weird and delusional dreams since getting sick. The worst  came last night into this morning. Really messed my world up.

If you follow me on Instagram I’m always hashtagging “ineedtimetravel” knowing well that it won’t happen. So as I was weaving back and forth from the edge of oblivion at one point I looked up and fully BELIEVED I was back in our Park Slope apartment. I shuffled over in the bed to press against him to only have my feet drop to the floor. I was in a twin bed in my mother’s office room. From that point, somewhat hazy I went to the bathroom and in mid stream my mom barged in asking if anything was wrong. Matters had gone from confusing to embarrassing very quickly. I apologize if this is too informative, but unfortunately these are details of my life I am fully aware I am publishing to the web. But there’s a moral to this I promise.

I went to the walk in clinic to get my throat checked out, yet they wanted me to disrobe entirely and wear the medical gown… Okay I obliged. But all the PA did was take a gander at my nose, ears and throat and prescribe me antibiotics. I’m still unsure why I needed to disrobe for that.

After my mom brought me to the walk in clinic to get medicine- by the way I do feel like I’ve regressed 12 years and its 2002 having a parent drive me around- I came home to a message one of my high school friends sent me. It was very thoughtful and sweet but the opening line was “a love like this comes only once in a lifetime.” I reread those words a dozen more times and that empty spot in my heart began to grow. I hope I don’t only find love once in my lifetime. I’ll have such an unfulfilling future. I think love is the greatest thing this world has to offer and to share it with someone is the most amazing sensation imaginable. And I want it again. I want to lose myself in a person and get into nonsensical arguments about matching Halloween costumes.

As I felt the sadness bearing down, my phone started quacking at me and it was a NYC area code. I picked it up and as I mentioned above I am very sick at the moment. I don’t have a voice. The voice on the other end was shocked to hear me. “Is this Julia?” I croaked yes. He asked if I was okay and I reaffirmed what he must have already assumed; I’m sick. He then reminded me who he was and where we had met and said he’d call me back in a week. Then hung up. I put the phone down next to me and just started laughing. I gave my phone number to this guy in April! But what’s taken him so long to call? Just kidding I suck at returning phone calls.

I felt like George had his hand in all the bizarreness of today. Beginning with having my mom walk in on me on the bathroom to having a guy I met several months ago give me a ring. George loved awkward comedy and today it was at its finest. I think he wanted to see a show, so he set it all in motion beginning with the complete mind twister of feeling like I was back in Park Slope in total and complete bliss.


About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to George wants me to smile

  1. Glad you were able to find joy in an otherwise confusing time. I was struck by your paragraph on “once in a lifetime love”. Before losing Bryan I would have been the first to say that and apparently the universe has decided to prove me wrong. I too hope that there is more than a once in a lifetime love. Thanks for sharing. Hope you’re feeling better!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s