Sweat the pain away

After my massive breakdown yesterday I woke up this morning with a heavy heart and desperately needed to occupy my mind. I mentioned bad decisions in my post yesterday and I’ve noticed a pattern… Not a pretty polka dot pattern but more like a blood splattered stomach turning one.

I thought I would never turn into this but I engage in meaningless behavior due to my ongoing hollowness. I am callous and I push people away when they get too close. I don’t want to get attached or want anything serious. When it comes to emotional connections, I am at a steady flatline. It’s as emotionless as standing next to someone at the bank teller. Well for me at least.

So this morning I went to SoulCycle, of course, with one of my former players. I love cycling because you get to dictate how challenging you want to make it. Today I cranked that wheel to the right so my quads and glutes were on fire. Later on in the day I went for a 3 mile run and finished the full body cardio barrage with 30 minutes of swimming. Afterwards, I was gassed. And succeeded on draining my mind of any frivolous thoughts about grief, sorrow and anything else. Tomorrow I hope is a better day. It has to be. I’m taking my first barre method class and getting pedicures.

I love trying new things out. Finding new experiences that are enjoyable is one of the upsides to all this. All a part of the grand scheme of finding the rhythm of this solitary life. image


About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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3 Responses to Sweat the pain away

  1. beenough says:

    Time. Noticing. Sitting in your grief. Thank you for sharing. You are not alone.

  2. notabowlofcherries says:

    I relate in so many ways. Hang in there your not alone.

  3. Anne Marie says:

    I feel you. I started going to a crossfit gym because I can only think about one think at a time while I’m there, helps focus the mind to sweat it out. Hang in there 🙂

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