Sweat the pain away

After my massive breakdown yesterday I woke up this morning with a heavy heart and desperately needed to occupy my mind. I mentioned bad decisions in my post yesterday and I’ve noticed a pattern… Not a pretty polka dot pattern but more like a blood splattered stomach turning one.

I thought I would never turn into this but I engage in meaningless behavior due to my ongoing hollowness. I am callous and I push people away when they get too close. I don’t want to get attached or want anything serious. When it comes to emotional connections, I am at a steady flatline. It’s as emotionless as standing next to someone at the bank teller. Well for me at least.

So this morning I went to SoulCycle, of course, with one of my former players. I love cycling because you get to dictate how challenging you want to make it. Today I cranked that wheel to the right so my quads and glutes were on fire. Later on in the day I went for a 3 mile run and finished the full body cardio barrage with 30 minutes of swimming. Afterwards, I was gassed. And succeeded on draining my mind of any frivolous thoughts about grief, sorrow and anything else. Tomorrow I hope is a better day. It has to be. I’m taking my first barre method class and getting pedicures.

I love trying new things out. Finding new experiences that are enjoyable is one of the upsides to all this. All a part of the grand scheme of finding the rhythm of this solitary life.Β image



About J.

Fitness professional, aspiring writer, college lacrosse coach, widowed at 28, currently dating an Air Force officer who is deployed and documenting the at-home dealings and updates.
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3 Responses to Sweat the pain away

  1. beenough says:

    Time. Noticing. Sitting in your grief. Thank you for sharing. You are not alone.

  2. notabowlofcherries says:

    I relate in so many ways. Hang in there your not alone.

  3. Anne Marie says:

    I feel you. I started going to a crossfit gym because I can only think about one think at a time while I’m there, helps focus the mind to sweat it out. Hang in there πŸ™‚

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