I haven’t really been on top of updating this blog. I’m officially out of my old apartment and settling into my new one. The dubious feelings that had me worried about starting over have fizzled out, and I’m embracing this reset of my life. Part of the reason why I hadn’t been updating is because I’m without internet in my new place. I’m getting it installed on Tuesday, and at that point will continue with my daily updates, as long as something is worth noting.
This week has been a solid transition into the new setting. I’ve been hanging out nightly with a friend, and I really enjoy the companionship. Also helps eases on those horrible lonely moments. Before bed in the old place I would find myself grieving a lot, but I’ve noticed my grief has been pretty manageable. Although coming home from NYC last night I felt it creeping up, but it dissipated as quickly as it emerged. I was really worried about my apartment not having a direct connection to George, but strangely enough I’m thrilled that it doesn’t. The constant reminders of walking into an apartment that we shared and helped set up, are no longer wearing on my nerves. Of course the entering into an empty apartment still sucks, but I do like having my own place. I get to do what I feel is right for me rather than worrying about another. It’s selfish and I know it, but it’s what I need to do right now. It’s so strange. I feel like I’m starting to be less sad and more excited about the possibilities that are around the corner. But there are times, like after my first game of the season last Thursday where I wish I had him to go home to. Had him to hold my hand and say they’ll play better next time out. Instead, I need to reassure myself. I need to grow stronger. I need to start creating my identity and independence.