For the past three days I’ve been hanging out with other W’s. Some who have stories similar as in they watched their spouses deteriorate from cancers and others who don’t. But the bottom line is, we are confronting something that is so vicious and massive to our livelihood.
During this time, there’s something we have in our arsenal that we pull out when convenient and that is the W-card. With other W’s it’s hard to pull it out because they “get it.” But with others who don’t it becomes something we lean against to help us out of tough situations that do not benefit our ability to heal. I try not to use it too often but I do use it when I need it due to something that inconveniences me. I don’t think it’s exploitation of being widowed, because being widowed is possibly the worst thing to ever go through in someone’s life. But there are times, when I pull it out because it gets the other person to shut the eff up. For instance tonight:
I got back to Jersey City far too late and HAD to grab a cab. I definitely swiped a cab away from another girl and she flipped out. Admittedly tonight I did have a few drinks, but I didn’t feel I was out of control, unlike the other girl. She called me a bitch and a bunch of other things, but her words were not going to prevent me from entering the cab. However, the moment I got in and told him my destination he said “$12.” I KNOW that it costs only $6 to get to my complex and I said that many times. He then continued to tell me because of the ice on the road it was dangerous to drive. I said, I’ll give you $10 and that’s it. To be honest, I only had a $10 bill so that could only be the total offer of the ride… Usually I tip them $3 or $4 in addition to the $6 or $7 it cost to get to my complex.
Anyway, the cab driver started PURPOSELY skidding all over the road saying that it was so dangerous to drive. I flat out said, “My husband is dead. If you’re trying to scare me, you are not. Nothing can possibly be worse than a dead husband.” When I said this he stopped screwing around and drove normal. I don’t know if pulling out the W-card worked in this situation, but the fact that he knew I wasn’t scared or timid of what he was doing changed his mind. Basically, if he’s going to be an asshole for an extra $2, he picked the wrong person to pick up. I am not scared of death, I do not shun away from it. If it comes, so be it. But I’ll be damned if I have someone trying to hustle me, and put my life in danger in order to do so. I whipped that W-card out and I do not regret it. He made the decision to pick me up instead of the inebriated girl, and it’s a decision he needs to deal with for the rest of his night. He tried to scare me and I think my STRENGTH scared him.
Cab drivers in Jersey City, you have a lot of balls, but unfortunately mine are just a little bigger. Try watching your life unravel in front of your eyes in 10 days, and then try to scare me with some bullshit driving. It’s a fight you do not want to encounter. I’m a widow and I’m strong.