Super Bowl and moving on

So many Americans really take the time to plan out their evenings the night of the Super Bowl. Stacking their fridges with beer, and making sure there’s mountains of chips, dips, wings and pizza. Anything that screams comfort foods, basically. Well this Sunday my plans have been made for me; I’m going to the Super Bowl.

It was a slow leak that suddenly opened up today once our communications office at school found out. My lacrosse team was selected to participate in the half time show. That’s really all I can say until after the Super Bowl. But when my team was selected, I couldn’t help but think there was some divine intervention. It was too good to be true. Any time I get asked about the Super Bowl, it’s a weird mixture of feelings. I’m so excited to go, because it’s a once in a life time opportunity and I’m happy to share it with my team this year, but I also wish I could share my excitement with George. When I was driving home one day, I just wanted to pick up my phone and call him. Tell him everything that’s happening, tell him the funny and bizarre things that go on, which I know he would appreciate.

Today marks 2 months and 6 days since he died. We were married for only 2 months and 6 days. Tomorrow, if I wear my rings will mean I was wearing them longer than we actually were calling each other husband and wife. I’m lost with this. I love my rings. They’re my favorite jewelry that I wear. I had this dream last night that blew my mind. It had to do with my wedding ring. So I was in grand central or some sort of public area and a man was showing me attention and I was really enjoying it. I then said I couldn’t do anything more because I’m married. I then got up and George came up to me and said “why don’t you just put your rings away? I started doing it.” And I was crushed. CRUSHED. I don’t really remember what happened afterwards, because it was one of those dreams where as you begin to awake it disappears. The only reason why I remember that part was because someone brought up wedding rings this morning and it triggered that scene back.Β 

I might go without my rings tomorrow to see how I feel… But I just love them so much. Do I need to put the rings away in order to move on? I mean I’m gaining all these new experiences without George, so why should I hang on to that then?

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About J.

Fitness professional, aspiring writer, college lacrosse coach, widowed at 28, currently dating an Air Force officer who is deployed and documenting the at-home dealings and updates.
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2 Responses to Super Bowl and moving on

  1. Christi Raines says:

    Congratulations on being chosen to be part of the halftime show! So exciting.

    Rings… I keep looking at mine. I’m wearing his below mine right now and if I take them off for even a second it feels strange and foreign. I’ve been wearing them for 10 years, 6 months and 6 days though… it feels like they are a part of my hand. He’s been dead 38 days. I don’t know how you decide when the time is right. I’m sorta sad we didn’t have kids to pass them on to… I just don’t have a good answer.

    • J. says:

      I’ve decided to not wear the ring, but if I feel the need to wear it I will. It’s been three days now without it. I’m going to not wear it again tomorrow and see how I feel. I look at it when I wake up and before I go to bed. It’s sad, especially because I love them so much. But I don’t find myself drifting off and staring at them getting upset anymore. So that’s good. I do rub my thumb against the bare area where the rings were though. One day at a time.

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