First day of the season

School has finally started the new semester. With that, the lacrosse season is finally underway. As I was thinking about all the past years I’ve been coaching, I had a sudden realization– Every season I’ve been coaching collegiately, George has been there. This will be my first season without him around. 

I talked to my team about grief and reminded them not to take my wild mood swings too personally. They were receptive to it, and seemed very enthusiastic to get the season underway. We finished our meeting by laying down expectations of being a member of the women’s lacrosse team. Love was a big theme in all of it. Love what you do, who you’re with and love yourself. It was very touching. We came to the conclusion that never take anything for granted and live each moment to the fullest. We all need to embrace the opportunity that stands before us as a team. And we will be strong as one. I love those girls, they brighten up my day even when there’s a dark cloud lingering around.

I also went to my new apartment and saw there was flooding due to a pipe crack. I just need to keep on pushing through, even when it seems it’s the hardest thing to do.

Tonight I smelled George for the first time. His musk slapped me across the face and left me stunned. I miss him so much. Tonight my apartment feels colder than usual. I want someone to hold me so badly. 


About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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