2 Months Today

“You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”- David HarkinImage

Only if it was that easy, Mr. Harkin. Today does mark 2 months, and I should note that the love that has surrounded me for the past two days has been invaluable. My players and friends have been great and have lessen the pain. But tonight I sit alone in the apartment we shared, and I can’t help but remember that 2 months ago, cancer stole his life and gifted me with my very unwanted “new life.” It does hurt more now than it did then. But I’m more open to going out and about now than I was then. It’s a strange feeling. I’m sadder now, but more willing to explore the opportunities of widowhood. I’m also doing a good job upholding my new years goals. I’ve been working out again as I stated, and doing well with not consuming meat. Once a week I do go out with friends. All these things have played a role in my willingness to be more extroverted. I’m at a loss of what to post. Miss you, George. You are my #1.

Image

Inaugural theater club outing to Bronx Bombers.

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About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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