Tonight I was called a sociopath. I’m hurt and livid. I don’t want to go too much into the reasoning of the person who said it, and the context it was in. I’m open to sharing, but that is far too private to share out in the open. All I can really think at this moment is, are you kidding me? Are you honestly claiming that I’m a sociopath? You are aware that you’re calling a person who lost their soulmate, their entire life, less than 2 months ago, a sociopath? Who in this situation appears to not care about the feelings of another? Who in this conversation is doing this for self-fulfillment?
I cared and loved someone so deeply, that my entire life has been turned inside out and flipped upside down, yet I am the sociopath? I have felt a plethora of different emotions over the last several weeks, and the amount of animosity and anger that is inside of me is becoming pressurized. I’m about to lose it in an epic way. The worst thing is, someone I care deeply said these things. This is a freezer burn. It’s cold and stings like all hell. I cannot believe that as people are starting to move on from George’s death, the feelings are I should be too. Just because my hurt, my sadness, my anxiety makes you uncomfortable, it’s in actuality what I need to feel, because it’s a “normal” response to losing a loved one. Not just any loved one, but someone who impacted my DAILY life. I cannot cover this up, because if I cover it up, it could result in an abnormal grief response. Frankly with how sad I am day-to-day, I can’t even begin to fathom what an abnormal grief response entails.
I wish I could curl up next to George and just have him stroke my hair and tell me it’s okay. Everything will be okay. Instead, I’m sitting here in my living room, alone, having the clicks of my laptop key board break the screaming silence.