Lucky cat

imageAfter spending 6 days on the west coast I’m thrilled to be back in the tundra of the northeast. On the flight I remembered this really random memory of George that brought warmth to my chest that quickly sprinted toward my finger tips and toes. Hours later when we finally landed I was really excited to write this memory in my post tonight, except I couldn’t remember what it was! I had an internal freak out on my way to th baggage claim. I reviewed what exactly I did today and who I was with and what might have caused the sudden peacefulness of such a pleasant memory, but nothing returned to me.

Then I started thinking how what if in several years, I forget all the little nooks of our relationship that brought me bliss? I became dizzy with worry that there might come a time I could possibly forget George. But that’s why I have a blog and pictures, right? This man changed my life so much and I can’t even keep a memory from disappearing. I need to write them down as they come to me. There was one other remembrance I had of him and I was tentative about writing it.

First off, George was the nicest human being ever and he genuineness and good will could be felt from strangers. He had a friendly face and people always asked him for directions in NYC. One thing we both had great disdain for was unruly children in public places. I think everyone has this to a certain degree. Mine is much more visible than his was but he channelled his very funny. If there was a screaming child in a store or plane, he would grit his teeth and in a low voice, he would softly say… Aw I can’t write it on the internet for the world to see. The lead up will be enough for me to remember. I already smirked thinking of him doing it.image

One thing I’ve been noticing myself doing more and more is buying things reminding me of George. Food mostly. But with trips many people get gifts for their loved ones showing they thought of them while away. Wow, just remembered my lost memory from above. I was thinking about the last place George travelled without me and he went to Atlanta for a business trip. When he returned he pulled out a set of dull metallic earring with a glowing blue gem hanging from them. I wore them to the court house when we got married. This is probably why I ended up in Pandora this evening at the airport…

I have a wandering mind. I walked by pandora about three times today before going in. To kill time I decided I’ll see if they have any charms I could add to my bracelet that remind me of George. Oh boy, did they! I was looking at the seasonal selective charms and most were Christmas themed but there was a lucky cat charm that stuck out like a pig in a chicken coop. I asked the salesperson how much it was and it was $35. Cheap on the pandora Richter scale. Well I quickly told her I’d like one along with 2 more charms of a G and K. His initials. Turns out if I got one more charm I could get a free bracelet so I thought, hell yeah, George should have his own bracelet anyway. So I got a heart charm too.

So what’s so good about a lucky cat? Lately I’ve been seeing lucky cats everywhere I go. On shirts, patches, stickers, mugs, just about everywhere. I’ve decided the lucky cat is my spirit animal and it’s serving a purpose, or bringing me luck. You see, it’s not so odd. At our wedding reception, our centerpieces were lucky cats. They were a huge hit and we were so happy we picked something not as trite as flowers. With a lucky cat centerpiece we felt we really put our George and Julia seal on our reception. We wanted it to be like no other wedding and we succeeded. So when I see lucky cats I go back to that amazing day. It’s a reminder of the good times. So I made myself a bracelet and although I can’t give it to George on my return home, I can look at it an hopefully remember and feel him as I continue to heal. I miss him so much, and I need as much brain power to lock these memories for a lifetime.image

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About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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