Thirty Mile Zone

There’s a number of things George and I talked about doing together. We spoke freely about plans for the future without considering that there was a chance that there wouldn’t be a future for us. Wow. That’s a really hard stream of consciousness for you right there. I must be the most naive person on the planet. I truly thought I was going to be happily married for years. Not weeks. This isn’t the point of my daily debriefing.

We travelled to LA last thanksgiving and the only regret we had was not doing the TMZ Tour. So the plan for this years California trip was to go on the tour. My sister and her boyfriend accompanied me on the tour and I was do elated to be there. While waiting to go on the tour you wait in this candy store and I quickly honed in on a bag of skittles. One thing George and I did frequently was split a bag of wild berry skittles. It was one of our favorite treats. He always picked the green ones out for me because those were my favorites. The thought of not having him to share my skittles with saddens me tremendously. When I found out in September he wasn’t going to get better, I cried saying “who’s going to share my bag of skittles?” Something so small carries a huge meaning.

So we were supposed to do the tour together so I got the skittles to “share” with him. I ate half the bag during the tour (which was 2 hours). But being carted around Hollywood and Beverly Hills was a ton of fun. And I knew he would’ve loved to be there. George was the best at picking out celebrities and I made a faulty call on seeing Bradly Cooper. I’m sure if George was there he would’ve been seeing tons of arbitrary celebs.

I do think its important for my mental health to do the activities that we were planning on doing. It’s a little weird to do them without him, but he’s there in spirit right? At least I hope so. I miss him and want to feel next to him as much as possible.


About J.

Fitness professional, fitness & nutrition writer, widowed at 28. Writing about getting through grief through self-care, physical activity, and the ​constant feeling of being uncomfortable.
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